Never Say Never Again (2018)

Note to the reader:

Over the last few years, I have chronicled my regular life musings mixed with my love for movies and television shows. These tales began with the post “One Broke A$$ Summer” in the summer of 2017 and had continued as frequently as possible, and sometimes there had been an occasional segue and some ranting.

I do not have delusions of being a professional writer, is more of a desire and at this point I am more of an apprentice, or an understudy, or a writer in training. However, I consider myself a “Jack of all trades and a master of none” and over the years I had many different career paths (jobs) and collected many stories from everyday folk.

This post is a very personal and significant as my life was about to change and would like to thank all the regular followers and occasional readers of this blog.

Gainesville, Fla

November 2019

Life is full of segues, pauses, shortcuts, retreats, and redo’s.

At my age, marriage was just a term, just a word, a social status foreign to me and a social achievement for other people. Over the years, I have struggled and failed repeatedly at this social custom that it is beaten down to us since birth, as parents, family, and peers alike rave about finding that “perfect someone” or “the one” that magically is going to transform life into this fantasy where everything will be great and awesome along with the pretty house with the picket fence and in bold letters on top, the caption will read “and they lived happily ever after” as the visual fades into oblivion.

Having failed at this social expectation and suffering (more like enduring) through the years at not being “normal”, my life was in chaos because I tried to fit in, I tried to be what my parents, what society expected me to be. In the end, it was not meant to be, and it took a plunge into dark times to realize that it was not worth it and realizing that it was ok to be different, and quirky, and shy, and odd. From that moment on, I gave up on relationships that to be honest, were non-existent in my life, as most of my life has been a plethora of meaningless, occasional and usually short-lasting “flings”, many disappointing tries that ended up in the “can we just be friends” euphemism to mean that you are ok but not that ok. There were only two long-term relationships in my life and many years passed in between them, so technically I spent most of my adult life single and on my own. As I reached my middle years, the idea of being a parent became moot as well because being an old man with a baby was an aberration in my mind for many reasons. Some of these reasons are selfish, as the notion of looking like the kid’s grandfather made me queasy; however, the responsibility of a child is shared and not being able to have the energy and commitment to raise him or her was my biggest reason for staying out of the fatherhood bandwagon. My position about fatherhood cut my chances of being in a relationship with someone who wanted to have a family, and for years I was upfront about it with mixed results.

Most women in my age group already had children and had been in several relationships and some are still hopeful for finding “the one” always hopeful to have children or more children. The younger women I met were expecting to settle and have a family, so it was unfair to them to expect to stick around with me for a long time, so this also cut my odd in the “dating game scene”.

Another problem being in relationships was my disposition towards social events that were becoming burdensome, empty, and meaningless. The result was that over time, I  became a hermit of sorts, as I developed an aversion for these commercial holidays like Valentines and Halloween; moreover, the entire holiday season and the other holidays deemed to remember like Veterans and Memorial day used to sell trinkets made me more and more displeased with the status quo.

Since I was not about to change the world, I became more reclusive and kept to myself.

It was easy, it was comforting, and it made me happy.

This self-imposed banishment from society gave me strength and time to fulfill goals that seem elusive before, for not having to pretend to be like others gave me ample time to pursue these goals. The main one finishing my elusive college degree in record time.

After some time it became a comfort zone …but The Universe has other plans…

I became aware of her by accident, as a new coworker at a time when office relationships are frowned upon. Moreover, as in her conversations she referred to as “we this …we that” and a clear hint that she (the story of my life) was in a relationship. I later discover that “we” was her and her son, but I also pondered about our age difference and quickly dismissed the idea as silly simply because what can she possibly see in a crusty old man like myself. I was blind, in my world, and incredulous; she was persistent, patient, and caring.

This perfect storm resulted in a simpatico that grew into something more but still the notion of marriage was not even a remote possibility.

Over time she had become part of my life and me of hers.

So the impossible became possible, for a decision to legalize our relationship became the subject of conversation and the challenge of how to let our families know about it. We both did not used the word “never”, but the notion of marriage was not in either of our “bucket list” for different reasons except for the most important—relationships eluded both of us. She had an easier time letting her family know and the excitement of the event change the dynamics of her immediate family, for the planning and pre-production of the social event of the summer was underway. On the other hand, I had a difficult time finding out how to find the perfect time, or the words to let my family without the odd moments that usually follows news of the magnitude; furthermore, I have never been one to be in the spotlight getting all the attention for anything; more so a social event that was foreign to me. I struggled for days until letting my mother and one by one to the rest of the family know. The reactions were not surprising, as there was some disbelief, some surprise; however, for me there was a big sigh of relief, for “the big news” was finally announced and now a date to be chosen and plans over plans will begin for “Our Big Almost Impossible Wedding”.

Next: The Americans

The Start of the School Year and The Sopranos

The first day of the 2017–2018 school year began as it usually does; with the choreography of traffic, that changes the mild and slow summer life in our city to the madness of an everyday big city. It is a chaotic choreography of cars, school buses, city buses, protesters, aliens, bicycles, scooters, college students, senior citizens, and pedestrians clash for roads that are receding faster than the arctic ice.

The benign and caring city leaders and their collective wisdom of creating an utopian habitat (for a chosen few) with their beautiful ideas of reducing and narrowing roads that are already over capacity in a growing city to make more bicycle lanes and sidewalks that choke into their new favorite contraption —roundabouts.

The benign and wise city administration’s reasons for the changes in traffic are part of their plan of creating the perfect city of the future. In reality, it is an attempt to slow traffic enough for drivers to seek out other roads in an attempt to lower the traffic density out of the downtown area, but as always the people that work in the downtown area (the people that clean, serve, and park the cars) have no other options other than to “suck it up”.

I am not against having bike lanes and sidewalks, but reducing roads capacity for the sake of pretending to be progressive while risking the safety of all of the participants in this daily mayhem of motorists, cyclists, pedestrians, and other road creatures is irresponsible.

The other factor is distraction, as today’s demographics (and other older ones too) glued in a daze to their mobile devices makes for some interesting situations as well as the occasional (well more than occasional during the fall) accident. People driving and texting, or talking on the phone, or pedestrians and cyclists wearing headphones that make it impossible for them to hear and be aware of their surroundings, or some others engulfed in their mobile devices also unaware of their surroundings makes a compelling argument against reducing traffic lanes for the sake of decor and pleasant appearances.

So after surviving the day and the traffic woes, I finally made it home safely, sat on my old but comfortable TV chair, and began searching for something new to watch. After some surfing, I decided on The Sopranos. It has been available on Amazon Prime for some time and I always pass it until today. I never seen the show, but heard many tales and comments about it (good and bad). I do not care much for these larger-than-life mobsters or bad guys that do stuff (mostly violent but appealing) people think that is cool or awesome since most of them would never do none of it in real life.

Yes, The Godfather was a great movie, but by the third movie, it was tiresome (too long) and more of the same. Even Mario Puzo’s last novel Omerta (published posthumously in 2000) was more of the same and became more of a sleeping aid than a page-turner. I understand the Robin Hood allure these gangster movies are for everyday people (mostly men) that sprout in every demographics, as they are all popular and very profitable.

Well, The Sopranos is no different in many ways, but it does add a twist, as Tony Soprano, a mob boss, have some issues (passes out at a family picnic) and for the first time in the gangster lore, he seeks out the help of a psychiatrist. It was a new wrinkle since most other Italian mobsters seek out their priests, but Tony continues on and off his therapy for six seasons and that was mainly the hook for the show. Watching this show ten year after its conclusion in 2007, and the 2013 death of James Gandolfini years later gave me a different perspective of the show, as it became part of the pop culture of the time that still has some relevance in 2017 and a time of political and societal dysfunction.

The show was one of the first HBO shows (Sex On The City as well) that evolved into the mainstream pop culture as it inspired water cooler talks, groups meetings, and made Tony Soprano an icon just like Vito Corleone, John Gotti, Tony Montana, Nino Brown, and Frank Lucas.

Gagsters’ stories never seem to lose their allure, as Robin of Loxley’s morality tale but with the twist that the “good” guy goes down in the end.

Next: Hurricane Warnings and Fortitude